newcastlecentric

We like cakes. We adore movies. And we don’t mind sliding into a vat of latte to pass the time.

So the odds suggest we should love Side - a mellow, yellow cafe nuzzled into a swerve of imperial buildings on Newcastle’s Quayside. It looks sweet. It has blackboards and posters of foreign (and therefore, unpopular) films. It has homemade cakes.

It also attracts the crowd I like least. Clientèle from the trenches of Littlewoods, having barely escaped with their lives. And their overcoats.

Everybody wears their scarf indoors. Mature students, fresh from a trip to Millets and proudly displaying their new satchel. Middle-aged vintage car owners with a Brownie slung low about their necks.

Folk who adore the overt pretensions of the Quayside setting, willing to pay far more for far less when there’s a perfectly acceptable greasy spoon over the road with a menu half the price.

Because for all it’s art house novelty, Side is expensive. And slow. Waiting twenty minutes for a grilled goat’s cheese and rocket ciabatta (when I’d actually ordered a sandwich) and orange juice, then parting with nearly £7? Well, that seems a little rude. You can only presume the money is spent on international shipping for all those film posters.

Letters to Katja, anyone?

If you do try Side for yourself, don’t arrange lunch around your first visit; pull up a stool, order a bottomless coffee, pluck at a fat, homemade muffin and people-watch as Newcastle goes about its day.

Side is a great, sweet place, but it lets itself down. If you do go, make sure you dress appropriately. Not that there’s a dress code, we’d just prefer it that way.

Photo by iambigred on Flickr. Some rights reserved.

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